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I don't get it.

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The cranial sacral session went really well on friday. I didn't feel sad anymore after it so that makes it a success in my book. She thinks the sadness had to do with trauma in the womb and I don't know what to think about that. That seems a little out there for me. I mean, I believe the body can remember certain traumas if you reposition yourself in the same posture that triggers that memory and feeling. So I could go with some deep seeded fear resurfacing if I had too much pressure on my head in-vitro if I found myself in a situation where I had the same pressure on my head, but honestly you could make the argument that any sane person with pressure on there head would respond in an emotional way I suppose. She thinks the head pressure is related to me picking up the fact that a baby before me had been aborted. She thinks that's why Ihe I'm sad. Why the hell would sadness represent head pressure? Why would I be carrying that around that kind of burden? I wasn't even born yet, my brain wasn't even developed enough to retain memories. Could it have been developed enough to retain emotions? God I hope she's not feeding me a bunch of bullshit cause I really like her and I know not all of it is wrong. She certainly has strong energy. I can feel it pulsing all around her. Her grounding keeps me from astral projecting when doing cranial sacral work. She certainly has some power to her. What I need to know is if she throws in some smoke and mirrors to confound the weak of mind. It's easy to do. Especially if your an empath and she certainly is.

It's too bad the sadness has come back though. I think the therapy just temporarily suppressed it, which is a shame. We talked about it and she says I need to take time out to feel sad and cry. Fuck, I've tried to do that all weekend. I listened to songs that usually make me cray and I got a little but not much. It flowed right through me in a matter of minutes and it was like it was never there at all. I've had times during the day where something made me emotional and I've wanted to cry but they were all very inappropriate times. I tried to cry tonight too and nothing. Evey told me to take time to be sad and I told her that I'd try. She told me not to try and to just do. I don't think I really got it then but I've been doing some thinking and maybe the problem is that I'm trying to control the situation too much? Perhaps taking designated time to cry and planning it is numbing me up somehow? But I can't just let emotion take over whenever. There are appropriate times for these things and inappropriate times. I don't know how to handle this.
Current Location:
My bedroom
Current Mood:
confused confused
Current Music:
Staind-Excess Baggage
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