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I am feeling horribly sick....

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I called up Justin and tried to mend broken fences like my spirit guide asked. At first I felt very relieved, like a weight had been lifted and I was very excited about the possibilities the future may hold once this mess between Justin and I are cleared up. I thought that maybe we could be friends and that I could move on, graduate, get a good job and move on to bigger and better things. Justin told me he wanted to come see Vincent once a week, which seemed fine to me at the time. Now I'm starting to realize what seeing him in person might do to me and the thought of the emotional distress the visit will trigger has made me so anxious that I am currently very nauseous. I hid in my neighbors house and drank and smoked with her in an attempt to ease my anxiety. I thought that maybe if I talked about it with friends it would make me feel better, but it hasn't. Everytime I try to explain how I am feeling I can never articulate it well enough to actually release any of my fears. I always fall painfully short of how I actually feel and since I never was able to truely express what's going on, the emotion is never released and is left to fester inside me. I really don't see the point in trying to accomplish anything on campus as I can't pay attention to what's going on anyways. I'd rather hide in my house until I absolutely have to leave to pick my son up. The problem is that I can't bring myself to leave campus. I feel like such a slacker doing something like that, but at the same time what can I really absorb in my condition anyway. I need to find a way to deal with this anxiety. My coping skills are failing miserably and I need to find a way to deal with this or I'll never get anything accomplished.
Current Location:
UC Computer Lab
Current Mood:
anxious anxious
Current Music:
Stephen Lynch-Gerbil Song
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