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Esoteric


Monday night my cell phone rings displaying a number that wasn't in…

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Monday night my cell phone rings displaying a number that wasn't in my contact list. I debated whether or not to answer it since answering a phone call from a number that's not in your contact list is usually trouble. Then again, sometimes it can end up being a nice surprise. It could be from a friend you haven't heard from in awhile calling you from a different phone. By examining the area code I gathered that this person calling was from my state at the very least and that last fact was enough to convince me to answer the phone. It was probably Matt or somebody as cool as Matt calling from somebody eles's phone to say hi. I answer the pnone.


A male's voice vibrates from the other end but recognition does not take hold of me. Was this Samuel? Did he make a trip to MT? He certainly didn't sound like Matt or any of the other people I had been expecting when I answered the phone. Who the hell was this? He certainly sounded like he knew me and also sounded like he was positive I knew him and spoke with a tone that suggested we were very close. So why the hell didn't I recognize him? I engaged in small talk and I fought the urge to blurt out, "Who is this?" Instead I told him about my day and what I had been up to. Eventually, some personality and slight influctions of his voice cause me to realize-"Oh God, it's Tristan!" I was suddenly very relieved I didn't ask him who he was because I would have hurt his feels embarrased myself!

This was the guy I slept with during my pregnancy with Vincent almost, completely exclusively. The guy that was absolutely certain that the seed growing in my womb was his, despite my attempts to tell him that it might not be true. He had tried to convince me to date him, then to marry him. The fact that I was engaged to another man wasn't a strong enough detterent apparently. This was the guy who showed up while I was in labor, much to the dismay of my mother; only to bail out during the transition stage to change his shoes and smoke a bowl. I used to be able to recognize him by the scent of his body and now even his voice had become alien to me. This realization brought great sorrow to my heart.

I guess I shouldn't have been too surprised he called but I was. I had texted messaged him in October, despite the fact that we hadn't corresponded in almost a year. I blame the alcohol in my system. We ended up talking on the phone where I found out he had a girlfriend. After we hung up I had deleted him from my contact list, I didn't want to get involved in that kind of mess. Apparently, I didn't think to gage the drawbacks of deleting somebody from your contact list. It makes it difficult to screen their calls!

I don't remember much of the begining conversation, but I do remember him bringing up his girlfriend alot and then making sexual comments soon after. The whole situation was very awkward. After we had parted ways, I pined for him for what seemed like eternity and wondered why I hadn't agreed to marry him, or at least date him. This phone conversation made it very clear why I hadn't wanted to date him let alone marry him. His inability to stay faithful, among other this made it nearly impossible for him to be an addequette boyfriend. I don't even want to imagine how he would fair as a husband! I asked him if his girlfriend was cute and he sent me a picture of her so I could judge for myself. I was expecting a nice picture of her standing in front of a tree or a house, with a warm smile on her face. What I saw was completely different.

He had sent me a picture of her giving him head. This was hardly what I had in mind. I couldn't even see her face that well because it was a profile shot more than anything so I asked him to send me another one where I could see her face. He sent me another picture of her laying on her back naked and the poor quality of the camera phone made her face about as clear as the last one. After asking a third time, he finally sent me a non sexual picture of her and him where I could actually see her face. I was absolutely horrified. Is that all she means to him? Is she just some sort of sexual object to the point where he only thinks to send sexual pictures of her? Maybe that's how he just thought of woman in general. My inner dialogue was making me nautious. Nautious and angry.

Later on in the conversation he makes comments and suggestions of us getting together. The knot in my stomach tightened. How could he do this to her? What did she ever do to him? He asks me when I'm leaving Missoula for Thanksgiving and to my relief I find out the days I'll be out of Missoula are the days that he'll be in Missoula. Throughout the rest of the conversation I just kept thinking, "what the hell is wrong with him!?" Is she just not good enough for him anymore? Does she not put out enough? What does he say to himself to justify sleeping with other woman? How can he hurt the woman he wants to have kids with? I'm so angry with him I can hardly think straight. I've added his number back into my contact list so I can sucessfully screen his calls.
Current Location:
Mansfield Library
Current Mood:
enraged enraged
Current Music:
"Sober"-Tool
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